This is supposed to be a fun question and so far, several of you have responded with mundane replies, pretending to be sophisticated about the matter. Don’t fucking any of you ever just, live life a little?
Since I work at one, I know the first thing I’d do is break all the kerosene canisters in sporting goods, cause a fire and that alone will burn the entire half of the store since Auto with it’s oils, Lawn and Garden and Toys will happily fuel that fire too.
Then I’d go to hardware as the fire develops, taking sledgehammer and hatchet that they sell and go to work breaking everything.
Forget looting, I want to destroy capitalism’s toys.
Carry propane bottles by the valve while listening to Chuck Mangione.
Dang it, Buckley!
The destruction of the store will mean nothing to wal mart. It’s insured.
Burning it down will cause:
- serious air pollution to the surrounding neighbors, who are innocent
- risk to firefighters who respond
- potential creation of a food desert if wal mart has already driven out competitors, resulting in at risk folks having a harder time accessing food
Pull the fucking stick out. It’s an unserious anonymous internet gag question. Not everything needs to be constant moral high grounding on others.
Give every employee a raise to a living wage.
Put up union organizing posters
Yeah… despite the local Wal-Mart having quite the selection for the garage chemical enthusiast, I’d rather not publicly outline terrible ideas that could lead to others being severely hurt or killed.
Though I will throw out there that the access for the fire suppression/sprinkler system is usually fairly easy to access, and covers the entire store when it goes off, conveniently aerosolizing whatever liquids might be in the pipes…
I’d question how I’d got into that situation, and the character and motivation of the person telling me to cause destruction.
You must be fun at parties.
I cannot express how much I hate pieces of shit who say this tired phrase.
Not hating but I did laugh at the fact that he’s indirectly echoing your sentiment in this thread and you dunk on him for it lmao.
I’ve found that people who say “you must be fun at parties” are the least fun at parties
All too easy. Grab a scissor life and start knocking the sprinkler heads off. IYKYK.
Had a dude take power equipment into the meat freezer, sheared off a sprinkler head in the process.
The freezer remained operational, so everything was coated in frozen sludge. Total loss of merchandise, and I think the power equipment was a loss too.
I’m not sure how he kept his job, but that wasn’t my call.
Only works until the initial sludge is cleared. I would bet it would be relatively clear water by head 3.
Now, if you take that scissor lift and attach something that can rip the head off, attach the same thing to ALL heads, and then attach those to one forklift and drive out of the building… that would do it.
Microwave spray cans.
Nothing. Because you’re not hurting the Walton family or the other higher ups. You be hurting the people who work at that store. Who do you think the higher ups are going to blame? The workers. Also in some small towns in the US. Wal-Mart is end all and be all.
Covertly decrease all items by $1
So the store be losing $1 for ever item sold
10,000 items means $10,000 lost
Also add malware that randomly make it so a random item isn’t counted to the price total.
Also make malware show card payments as “sucessful” even though it never gets sent through the network, and also the paper records all prints wrong card info, so they can’t retroactively charge it again.
Raid the toys section for Legos and grab a box of beer on my way out.
I would do almost nothing, I would impersonate Wal-Mart in some way and announce a 69% discount on everything for the next 5 hours only, on as many social media as I can (if I was feeling less lazy I would also post a picture of some supposed mega-deal I would just have snatched myself), and then I would pour myself a cup of tea, sit somewhere and watch the large crowd that would already be gathering around the mall do its braindead-crowd thing when there are huge promotions to be had and a very limited availability.
Nasty, indeed ;)
A hypothetical person could gather up about 10 boxes of microwave popcorn.
That peraon could then gather up as many microwaves as possible from the shelves.
He or she coukd evenly distribute the microwaves across the store. They coukd even place two or three around the HVAC intake ducts.
That nefarious individual could remove all filters from the HVAC intake ducts.
If lead to do so, the person could put 1 bag of microwave popcorn in each microwave.
Feasibly, they coukd also start each microwave on high for 60 minutes.
The anecdotal smell of burnt popcorn would permeate and last for months. If you think burnt popcorn wouldn’t be that bad, then I would wager that you’ve never been in an office building that was evacuated for the burning chemical smell of one bag of popcorn left too long.
The rules don’t state that I have to stay in the Walmart. I can use the fact I’m alone to gather materials to create maximal destruction in adjacent areas.
Oh course, I’m not alone out there so I would face resistance, but it still gives me the best chance of maximizing the posited utility function.
(Except I’m not a robot that would turn people into paperclips. I’m a person that doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and don’t see any personal benefit in vandalizing a Walmart either.
I’d probably just eat myself to death.)
I’m more enjoying thinking about doing maximum damage to my own stomach now.
I’d take a blender off the shelf and over to the bakery, and make myself a lot of cake milkshakes. I’d eat several rotisserie chickens.
There’s a McDonald’s in the Walmart near me, but since I’m alone that doesn’t help much, I don’t want to burn myself horribly. There’s also an opticians.
Turn off all the freezers and coolers, all of that merchandise now has to get pitched then find the small camping propane tanks and some pressure cookers and magnesium fire starter blocks. Smash up the mag blocks and put the pieces into a pressure cooker with a propane tank, repeat until you’re out of cookers. Then turn them on high, take cover and wait.
