nah i get it, i assumed good faith on your part as well. i skimmed through some threads in that sub and all i wanted to do was start jumping saying “guys just pause a second so we can talk about some of this language”. but thats absolutely not the place for me to do that.

it would be as productive as the guys who’d go into r/twoxchromosomes posting “explain like i’m 5 why my wife left over not doing the dishes enough”. assumimg good faith, i get he’s thinking “ok this is where other women who have done this talk, i’ll ask them”. there wasnt anyplace else to send the dude, so a few people would try responding. but it always devolved into language policing, because not doing so in that space would forfit the sub to the people it was designed to be safe from. i never commented in that space specifically because it was their sub and i was just there to understand perspectives. i was a guest in their home.

people need to be able to use the only words they know with the meaning they understand them to have. before they can do any self reflection or understand why it becomes important to adjust our language for eachother sometimes.

i spent all of a minute poking around. not a topic i deep dive in really. more hoping to pose the question of “hey do we maybe have a space like this?”. someplace where people having a shared perspective would have the patience for eachothers early questions they once had.

i’m not on reddit but a few minutes poking around there it doesn’t look crazypants. so i’ll add it to my comment too.

We have to do both things. we have to get everyone we possibly can paying attention and work on peaceful ways to move ideas forward. i’m gonna keep saying make unions the base of* the dems. and point to minnesota who still has the democratic farmer labor party and pulles off some neat* shit.

there simply are not enough people available to do it quickly. it always ends with the people we claim to want to help being hurt. and we end up piled on top of them by some authoritarian we made a deal with.

now if you want to discuss disruptive actions that could need to be taken over the next few years. especially while throwing out the word arming. i’d like to kindly remind you we are in an armed police state on a Public. Fucking. Server. and point out that molitivcocktail hour does not announce itself and is never the option WE choose.

fair point. sounds like theres a need for a space to have these conversations. with people effected by the topic and moded by people on the otherside of the joirney, who could have empathy in the difficult moments. anyone know of a space? i’ll try engaging where i can.

half joke first. nobody’s trying to meddle in our bodily autonomy, yet.

edit: i havent looked too close at it but the mensliberation space on lemmy.ca may interest you? cancermancer down bellow has a rec for r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates that looks to have another good perspective in the topic. so im sticking it right here with the other.

I’ll try to approach the topic from my perspective as well. my gender has never really be part of my internal view of myself. but it is an inescapable part of how other people will see me, and the rules are always whatever the other person wants. so maybe not the poster child for speaking on masculinity. i’m literally the default charater generator in every videogame, but it’s just a hallucinating meat suit.

talking about gender concepts and social roles was a norm growing up because i did that growing up in the weird outside groups the christian kids chased. any reference to maculinity was done at me as an attack, even when i was doing it according to the rules. i agree, there are few places for young men to explore their way out of those strict views. especially in the early years. i’ve often seen them jump straight into spaces meant to be safe for people who’ve had not great experiances with the topic, especially women. and press other people to do all the work, explain things to them and navigate their often* harsh language. and i get it. when you’ve only ever been allowed to express 3 levels of the same emotion, it’s gonna be rough sorting that out.

it’s going to be on people who have worked their way through that mind set to make those places for kids to start the process. most importantly, people who share their experiance and perspective. yes folls like me can and really need to come in there and talk openly. but my own experiance is never going to line up in a way that will connect with those kids. even when i look exactly like our experiance should line up.

…if theres more spelling mistakes then there are more spelling mistakes. fuck it thats too much text for a phone

It can in fact thunderstorm and snow at the same time. can even do it while alternating between rain and snow causing layers of ice hidden in snow. if you’re moving to a place that does this, just stay in doors and enjoy the show. if it’s one of the regions that can also spawn tornados during these storms. you watch the storm on tv from a basement.

oh i dont see it in the comments yet. all of which are great. proper snow boots. even it only snows a little where you are. just because i can walk across an ice rink on leather soles doesnt mean i’m ever going to. if the experiance of walking on ice and snow is new, use footwear meant to help you from slipping. plus they hold up better to road salts and deicing chemiclas if they’re used there.

it feels like the natural result of corporate agile. dozens of teams doing little pieces with one dude making each smaller part all on their own. then someone just overrides the merge rules. and now i’m stuck trying to follow the ravings of angry lunatics all talking at once. i just want the os to shut up and do what i tell it to do. and i absolutely do not want it to start pretending its alive with some stupid chat bot ai nonsense.

/mnt/external_ssd_1/git_repos/reponame

i trust my workstations os to still be working in the morning as much as i trust the chances i even published the stupid branch after making it.

it’s gonna depend on the size of your work place really. hr isnt so much the group that is a resource for you the human. think of them like the IT dept that manages the human resource. if you’ve plainly stated your boundry to that person. “it’s not your business what my mood is, if your uncomfortable with me not behaving in the excited mannor you want. that is a you problem”. it’s on your manager to ensure the other person respects that boundry. and if your manger doesnt do that, hr should definitely care because thats a problem. that said. it’s far easier for everyone to just say “smile more, we’re a family and we all behave the same way” in smaller org. and you’ll have to decide if staying in a place that wont respect you boundries is healthy. my work pays me to complete specific things, not fill in someone’s social circle because they need a trapped audiance to maintain friendships. i was lucky in my current org to have a manger who caught a situation like you describe happening to me and take zero nonsense from the other person. and now that i’ve worked with that expectation, with someone who would enforce that, i’m not willing to consider my persoanl life part of what the org is paying for.

because the system is working as designed and it’s incentives keep a lot of people favoring it. but the alternative fast solutions everyone loves to wax philosphical about. well that movie always ends with this really weird wide angle shot of a field. theres this big mound of fresh dirt people are celebrating the victory around. but all our favorite anarchist charaters are missing and nobody can tell me why they got written out at the last minute.

people like your boss are awesome. managing their macs pays so stupid well, it feeds my linux home sever upgrade habit.

can we just set up a bot that does nothing but reply with these two comments to every “why no 3rd parties bro” question. We’ll turn it on three months before every US election and let it travel around lemmy servers. then turn if off until this whole cycle repeats.

because thats the lived reality of how the us political system works right now. the actual options may not be great. telling my gay friends their marriage may need to stop existing all together for little bit, so I can pretend I took a stand against the system with a socialist party vote is some childish nonsense. yes we need systemic change. thats a conversation with receptive people who need to be in positions to do something in the first place. its that or 3rd parties take themselves seriously and focus locally. in my area there a man dress as a fucking pirate every cycle for the socialist party. its him or a democrat, those are the options on the left. we can play make believe hypotheticals or start having actual discussions about this shit next month. this is not that moment, that moment was 3 years ago but it required effort. this is act with empathy or throw a temper tantrum time.

yes, and. lets not forget this discussion is happening on lemmy. this place is just autistic as fuck. even those of us autist around here who are straight tend to be the ones who find most other straight people obnoxious. we’ve self sorted into an audiance that, as another comment hilariously points out. most of us probably know a genx neckbeard linux user who used to be really gumpy. but she’s pretty chill and happy now.

people think we didn’t try talking first. telling them to fuck off, refuting their trash ideology or even trying to persuade them out of it. they loved that shit. they were there to talk but they were not there for any great debate. fuckers were there to recruit, it was preditory. they did not fuck off until it was clear we would make them, AND that we’d do it before they opened their mouths. they fucked off when the recruitment pool was closed to them.

guess i can see how on paper a bunch of kids living off pabst and shoving eachother around to loud music, was a good hunting ground. they read that particular room wrong though. and “punch them until they left” was they only way they were gonna go.

the article ends on a pitch for an ai bot making your paid posts. it’s trash. the article itself is the kind of lazy trash you get when you start leaning into monitization. you’re right, the fediverse isnt a monolith, not even inside distinct cultural regions.

for me at least. the answer to more media like this article appearing. so we grow an have more content and grow more. will be finding somewhere else to be. thats just the social media cycle. something cool gets made. a community starts forming. someone says “look at those idiots. dont they know how money works? a few of them could be making so much of it. i’ll show them how and make some myself too”. the rough edges of the space get smoothed out because if you want to make the site sucessful it should look more like how the sucessful spaces look. and a bunch of people move on to make something new again while bots have arguments with bots.

because being excited about a new hobby isnt cool. actually starting a new hobby is an insult to all the people who’d been real fans of the hobby before you. this is the internet.

creators are welcome to post in the fediverse and tag their paid platform so long as they respect the rules of whatever community they post in. everyone has to eat. turning the fediverse into a tansactional platform is just coporate social media with extra steps. the articles getting downvoted because its one step shy of a linkedin ad disguised as a post. if i wanted to read posts about the beauty of the grind or some other nonsese, i’d be on fucking twitter or facebook. this place exists specifically to not be those places.

guys at work comlaining about their divorce to anyone entering an enclosed room. four different times when i was forced to work in an office and twice so far in slack. mother fucker i dont known you but i already get why she left. stop trying to force random people to be your therapist.

I’m in the same spot and 95% settled on moving to debian.

xubuntu has been good to me the last 10yrs. But its been about xfce, ubuntu got be part of the relationship because it was easy when i knew very little about linux. that and it can run well on a potato with a bunch of computer parts just duct taped randomly onto it. which is basically what my dumpster dived laptop was 10 yes ago.