Can confirm, I only beat my wife when I’m not high

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You can’t just mark a whole train NSFW

People generally like food and grieving people don’t always have the energy to cook, is there anything you make well? Lasagna? Soup? Mac n cheese?

Her face reads as anything from listening to me explain the original 151 pokemon to sitting on a bus thinking about what to make for dinner

I could tell you that’s Alabama but my problem is I would have no idea that face was supposed to mean something, it looks like a blank stare to me

Thank you mister president. I really want to thank you for what you’ve done for social media, politics, reality tv, MaCaulay Culkin, Chik-Fil-A, McDonald’s, diapers, Elongated Muskrats, (REDACTED), (REDACTED), (REDACTED), and the rest of you know whats up (REDACTED)

(END OF TRANSMISSION)

The guy I had told me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and I ended up finding $20 mil in my sock

I do clean myself before but how am I supposed to eat microwaved creminis with swiss cheese in a tub without dropping a few pieces

You’re correct, this is why you should avoid going to ramen shops near onsens. They use the people broth from the onsens in their ramen to add a mushroomy, cheesy, porky flavor.

Is that served cold or heated?

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Automated drones running scripts with thermal cameras and a human to verify seems like a much easier to implement and effective solution than these so-called “new tools”

If I asked for a manager and got the “Market People Lead” I would tell them I’m looking for someone in charge, not someone to lead me around a damn market

For the record, all my chickens are over 18 weeks old and everything we do is consensual.

You win

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