I’ve always wondered this. Some people have trouble with dating because they try to go for people out of their league who don’t like them back. But society also tells us that we can’t choose who we are attracted to. Like for example, no one makes a “choice” to be gay.
So what happens when you’re only attracted to those out of their league that will never ever like them back?
Do the people with this issue still date? But when they date, they lie to their partner that they are into them? I have been on a couple of dates with someone I wasn’t into before. It make me incredibly guilty and dishonest that I did not like them back.
Curious as to the experience/thoughts of others.
Apologies if this is the wrong community. I will remove on request. Thanks.
I mean while most of this is true, saying looks aren’t important to long term happiness is just not the reality we live in. Living life as someone that people don’t like looking at grinds you down, ask anyone who is/was overweight.
You can do a lot to improve it, by wearing nice clothes being healthy etc, and you can make up for it by being the funniest one in the group, being the most interesting etc, but you’re also asking this of people who will likely have the hardest time dealing with strangers. I experienced a massive difference in how people treated me after I started going to the gym, just a lot more people smiling at me and treating me well when I hadn’t said a single word.
When the world is friendly to you when you do nothing, it’s a lot easier to be confident and funny and happy, and vice versa. I’m not saying to be doomer “there’s nothing you can do,” but just don’t ignore people when they tell you it DOES impact their lives negatively, even in the long term. Not trying to be negative it’s just frustrating when people take it from “this is not what’s holding you back from being with good people” (true) to “this has barely any effect” (false)
I dunno man, if you accept a skewed paradigm, of course you’ll suffer from it.
But you apparently missed the point.
The point is that clinging to the idea that what you think of as attractive is detrimental to long term happiness. If you’re picking a life partner based on their looks, you’re fucking up. Nothing I wrote nwas specifically about whether or not you were attractive or not.
It still applies, but that wasn’t what I was writing about. The post i responded to was about wanting partners that OP thinks are out of their league. Without that context, you might as well read it as gibberish because it’s not framed in relation to other situations, even when they apply.
But, again, it does apply to your own looks. If you’re wasting time worrying about how other people perceive your appearance, beyond the basics of being clean and dressing to fit your form, you’re wasting life.
Anyone that is going to change how they treat you, whether or not they smile at you just because of looks is a douche. It’s an automatic filter to weed out assholes.
Yes, as long as you are trapped in the paradigm of looks first, the judgement of others will affect you. But we are not beholden to accept that paradigm.
See, those people that treated you better without you saying a single word? They’re the broken ones. They’re ugly in their heads. It doesn’t show until their behavior comes out, but they’re stuck in a mode of thinking that is self defeating.
Nobody makes it to old age looking young and hot. Nobody. They only question is when it will fade, and how far it goes. Happiness, long term happiness, is about getting there and having lived the best life you can. Having a partner that picked you because you looked good in your youth is a risky bet.
I don’t remember if I mentioned it or not, but this is coming from a sasquatch looking motherfucker. I’ve never been skinny, I’ve never been “pretty” by conventional standards. I’ve been balding since my twenties, and I’m hairy as fuck all. And I’m saying straight up that none of it mattered a bit. It still doesn’t, and it won’t. There are no leagues except in our own minds. There’s only people that have the ability to pick partners that matter, those that don’t, and the ones that don’t want one.