I’ll start, people I talk on Discord with know more of my music preference than IRL people I meet with, because rejection sensitivity i guess
I’m not afraid to discuss them in real life, but I discuss my medical issues more openly online. Mostly because I don’t want to just whine about my medical issues.
I’m also more open to sharing private information like, I’ve never felt that I belong to any gender (and this led to a lot of anger and frustration for me growing up). That’s becoming more accepted now, but I was never part of the LGBTQ+ community and I don’t feel like it represents me particularly well. I’m just kind of neutral and don’t want to be associated with any sort of gender identity or movement one way or another.
I also discuss my health more online. It’s easier to be honest with strangers about my legit fears and worries. Like, the new medicine I’m on for whatever rheumatic disease I have (will hopefully be getting a diagnosis in September) can make me go blind with long-term use. I don’t want to go blind, but 20-30 years of not feeling like absolute dog shit would be worth it imo. Idk what I’ll do if I am one of the people who has their sight impacted. Hopefully by then there will be treatment for that. Right now, I’m just trying to focus on the fact that I’m starting to feel okay for the first time in my life.
same here man. about the lgbtq+ stuff. I just want to do whatever, but IRL everyone has to put you into a box based 100% on your physical appearance. I hate it. I don’t give a shit about feminine or masculinity or who anyone wants to fuck or not fuck.
I especially hate it when I date. everyone assumes I’m this macho conservative guy… and gets pissed off at me when I don’t live up to the stereotype and find out I’m socialist and don’t give a shit about traditional gender roles. and the people who want to hang out with me are always conservative and traditional leaning, an the left/liberal types shun me because I don’t have tattoos.
Where are you that you get shunned for not having tattoos?
I’m also curious how you dress because that can send signals to others about our likely political leanings even when we think we’re just dressing generically, and that will also be affected by where you live.
i look like a football player. that’s why. big strong dudes w/o tatoos aren’t liberal. that’s for scrawy tatooted guys with piercings.
Ah. Doesn’t fit my area. I’ve seen plenty of guys who look like football players walking around in kilts over the years, and plenty who clearly signaled that they weren’t conservative in other ways, such as hairstyle.
ASMR. Not afraid so much, just don’t want to be annoyed by the predictable responses from the skeptics and “comedians”. And ASMR is old news. People have mostly moved on. But I’m still very grateful for the AMSR performance artists and fellow aficionados out there.
I get this completely. I’ll never bring it up because it just sounds weird to someone who doesn’t experience it themselves. I’ll be forever chasing that feeling of being done taking a test in a classroom and hearing nothing but scratching pencils in an otherwise silent room.
It also doesn’t help that a sizable portion of the ASMR content creators use it as an avenue to dress provacatively on camera or insert overtly sexual undertones to poorly done ASMR. I feel like these are the videos people think of though when you mention it.
Yes. And I understand how weird and silly it must all look to people who don’t have it. But it gets tedious quickly.
Music taste. I’m a metal fan for the most part and I have my own project band that I release music under.
People always ask about my music (which is very kind of them) but I never actually want to discuss it with people because literally no one gets it or has any idea of what I’m referring to. I don’t even make weird music its just that 98% of people have no fucking clue what black metal is or what progressive/atmospheric means in that context. God forbid they ask me to put music on in the car or at a party. I deflect that as best as I can.
People think I’m into FFDP or Slipknot or best case something like Spiritbox or Sleep Token (last two are okay actually) but what I actually want to talk about is how amazing Artificial Brain balances the brutality of death metal and slam stylings with the jangly dissonance of the avant-garde black metal scene a-la Deathspell Omega, or how Navene Koperweis manages to be ahead of his time in almost every project he touches or how The Contortionist released one of the greatest progressive albums (Language) of all time.
My ADHD has me dumping massive tangents on people the minute it seems like they have any clue about anything under the dust on the upper crust of the scene. Makes it hard to connect with people because I hyperfocus on this shit so any time I talk about it, I go hard. I’m conscious of this issue hence my hesitation to open up about it.
The worst is when someone finds out I play guitar. They always wanna hear some cowboy chord stuff and I just don’t really know any. Music to me isn’t a party trick and that’s kinda what it feels like everyone wants out of me.
I just try to avoid all of it.
I wanna hear about your metal project! Atmospheric, progressive black metal? Send links!
Our first release isn’t as progressive as the unreleased stuff I have but its still pretty cool. I’m still proud of it after 8 years. Its on streaming sites if you rather stream there. Hope you enjoy it :)
FYI, first track intro is long lol as was the style at the time.
https://astralpath.bandcamp.com/album/an-oath-to-the-void
If you like dark folk, check out Ulvesang. Ana played bass on the Astral Path record.
This album, An Oath to the Void is fucking amazing! I really like it. This is awesome, and I’m still a sucker for those long intros. Bring 'em back I say! This is definitely going into the cart for the next bandcamp friday.
Any chance you will re-release any physical media? (and I am eagerly looking forward to any new music!)
Dang I’m super stoked that you like it! Thanks for giving it a shot. :)
I’m not sure about another run of physical media at the moment. I suppose it would all hinge on whether or not I can finalize another EP or album for release.
I’ve got four tracks mostly complete save for lyrics and vocals which is turning out to be the hardest part. The first album’s themes have glimmers of hope and most of the new material shares a similar atmosphere to the first release since a lot was written shortly after the first album, but the world has changed a lot since 2015 and my current state of mind is making it hard to write fitting lyrics. I guess you could say the misanthropy is creeping in.
I actually just found a sealed copy of the album in storage. If you’d like it, send me a DM (that’s a thing on Lemmy, right?) and I’ll get it shipped to you if you’re willing to cover shipping.
That’s a nice album!
For a given value of “afraid”, there isn’t much.
Tbh, there isn’t anything, but there are a few where I avoid the subject in real life because it’s never as fast as online.
I mention depression online, and there’s support comments for sure, as well an occasional asshole.
Irl, that’s one of those conversation stoppers, no matter how casual you are about it.
And that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. Stuff that I’m fine discussing with friends and family when it comes up. I’m even fine with discussing it with strangers, if the goal is supporting them and maybe making them feel less alone.
But there’s a whole range of subjects where if you volunteer information, it turns any interaction into being about that. Another big one is the job I had when I was still able to work. Did grunt level medical work as a nurse’s assistant. Mostly did geriatrics and hospice. So, pretty focused on end of life care, with just enough of the other stuff to keep me sane.
Online? I can drop that paragraph, and it doesn’t derail anything because if someone is interested, it creates a new thread. It spins off without disrupting the central conversation. Irl, nobody likes being reminded of death, for one thing. Then there’s always, always folks that mean well but make a bigger deal out of it than the circumstances usually call for. Like, it’s small talk about “oh, I was in car sales, what did you do?”
“I was an NA.”
“Really?! What kind of work?”
“Death work, motherfucker.”
And you might as well say it like that because if you mention hospice at all, the room goes still. And the alternative to that is either leaving it out, which I don’t like doing because it feels dishonest to just specify geriatrics as though it’s a different thing at the end; or, you give some vague shit, which feels dishonest to myself. Like, I carry that shit. I don’t expect or want praise, or morbid nosiness, or even the all-too-common “you were doing god’s work”. But I own that shit. I carry the weight of it, the grief and the physical pain from doing it. So dismissing what it was ain’t happening either.
So, I usually just ask questions and listen instead. That’s what most small talk is about.
But online, I’ll obviously lay that shit out because it won’t fuck up the vibe of the entire room or fuck up my vibe.
So, it isn’t fear, as in I worry about how other people will react. I’m a giant asshole, IDGAF about others’ opinions of me. I’m middle aged, crippled, and beholden to no one, I don’t have to worry about other people’s goodwill. Not that I cared much even when I could still work. If you knew how many times I had a supervisor ask something along the lines of “why did you say that to a patient’s family member?” With my response being “they asked”, it would be hilarious.
Which, that was usually followed up with “couldn’t you just not say anything, or just lie?” With my response being “no, no I couldn’t. I don’t lie if I can avoid it, and never when on the job with dying people. And you don’t violate the trust of a dying human being by bullshitting.”
That’s why I was fucking excellent at the job, btw. It wasn’t the bathing and mobility support and such. It was being present. You do the job you take care of their needs. But you do not treat them like a patient in their own home. Shit, you don’t do it in a facility either. You treat them like one human being to another. That’s what it’s about.
Also, did I mention I still carry the weight of it? Yeah. That’s the stuff I let out online or with my “inner circle”, and never, ever with anyone else because that’s what’s bubbling underneath.
Basically anything except private info like name, address, etc.
Exactly. And that’s where all the interest for our information comes from. Because it almost feels like you’re writing to yourself and all recipients are anonymous, you spill a lot.
I was the same. I shared a lot of (personal) stuff. Now I try to be a bit more thoughtful about it. If people would find out who I am, would I be comfortable with the things I shared. And can the things I share be compiled to something that points towards me? And then I decide if I still want to post it.
Kink, obviously.
I kinda like metal (the genre of music)
Everyone fucking hates me for that. Liking metal doesn’t necessarily mean I worship Satan.
i don’t get the hate for metal. i’m not super into it but i like some of it.
but you can’t really talk about it. people think you are a nazi if you say you like it
Exactly.
It depends on the audience. I enjoy some deathcore and the like, but I don’t play it around some of my friends because I know they wouldn’t enjoy it.
I mean yeah, it’s not for everyone, but it wouldn’t make sense to pretend it’s something only evil people do.
My obsession with the Fediverse and Linux.
Some of my hobbies. I don’t talk unless people ask (like you did). I never talk about anime, muscle mommies, etc. (shoutout [email protected]). I’ll talk about regular hobbies (like [email protected] or [email protected] baking.
Sexuality/romantic stuff. I’m bi, but I never talk about it, unless it’s relevant or to encourage someone. I’m married anyway, so that time of my life is passed.
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I find disposable gloves, aprons and surgical masks to be sexy.
I find H.R. Geiger’s works sexy.
Being a furry, also for fear of rejection. When I was in middle school, (before I *came out as a furry) I overheard my friend talkng to a friend about how stupid furries were, which really hurt, so I don’t talk about it IRL. Online, most people don’t care that I’m a furry, and the ones that do care are easy to ignore.
My gender. I just feel human.
sorry it’s 2024. you must pick a gender. there are 2024 choices though!
I get that. I don’t really feel a connection to any gender, and don’t really feel like putting the effort into something that doesn’t mean anything to me. I just say my gender is I’m too lazy to have a gender.
Same. I know how I am perceived and that’s okay, but I just don’t vibe with the whole manhood / womanhood thing. Of course I was raised and conditioned one way but I’ve always felt alienated by it.
No way I’m talking about this in real life though. The internet is easier.
My special interests (I’m autistic). Online has a niche for everything which is why I’m more inclined to share them. For now it’s AI companionship and Chanda from Pantheon.
The term AI bothers me with what we currently have.
LLMs are complicated versions of auto complete like you on a phone’s keyboard.
Diffusion modules are more interesting but suffer the same limitations.
AI’s current iterations are just regurgitation models devoid of any true original thought.
Once we see a true General AI, that will be something to champion.
I like reading literature and philosophy.
second it comes out IRL everyone looks at me like I am an asshole. Nobody I meet every reacts positively to it. So I never talk about it other than online. anti-intellectualism sucks.
As a kid I once said I wanted to be a philosopher. My mom got upset and told me it wasn’t a real job. I hope you eventually find friends that you can discuss philosophy with.
The fact that I’ve got an Onlyfans, I guess̈
